Confirmation speech: how to write and give a good speech

Have you been asked to give a speech at a confirmation, and you're not quite sure where to start? That's a completely normal feeling, and the good news is that a confirmation speech doesn't have to be complicated. The most important thing is that it comes from the heart and is about the confirmand you know.

In this guide, you'll get a simple structure to follow, advice on tone, and examples of how to open and close the speech. You'll also get an overview of when the speeches are typically given at the party, and what sets the parents' speech apart from the confirmand's own.

How to write a good confirmation speech

A good confirmation speech doesn't need to be long or advanced. It should be personal and specific, so the guests can feel that the words are about the very confirmand being celebrated. Start by telling who you are and how you're related to or know the confirmand. Then share a couple of memories that show something about the confirmand's personality, and put into words the qualities you love about them. End the speech with a wish for the future, and raise your glass for a toast.

The same applies if the speech is to be given at a nonfirmation. The structure is the same, whether the party follows a church confirmation or a civil version.

When the speeches are given at the confirmation party

The confirmation party often follows a fixed rhythm, which is handy to know if you're giving a speech. The party typically begins with a welcome song, which all the guests sing together. Then the starter is served, and once it's finished, the parents give their speech. Several speeches and homemade songs from the guests usually accompany each of the following courses. Finally, once most of the party is over, the confirmand typically gives a speech themselves or sings a song and thanks the parents and guests for the day.

Because there are often many people who'd like to say something, it's a good idea to agree on the order with the host well in advance. That way, you'll know whether your speech should be given with the starter, between the main courses or later in the evening, and you'll avoid several speeches clashing.

Structure of the speech step by step

1. Introduction. Tell who you are and how you know the confirmand. An example could be: "My name is Peter, and I'm the father of..." or "I'm the grandmother of..."
2. A memory or an anecdote. Choose a short story that shows something about the confirmand's personality. It could be a situation from childhood or something you've experienced together.
3. The confirmand's good qualities. Put into words what you love about the confirmand. It could be curiosity, warmth or humour.
4. The transition from child to adult. Confirmation means affirmation, and the day marks precisely the transition from child to adult. You can mention how you feel the confirmand is becoming an adult.
5. Wishes for the future. Share what you hope and wish for the confirmand going forward.
6. The toast.Finish by raising your glass and asking the guests to toast with you.

A couple of examples of openings: "I'm your aunt, and I've known you since you were very small" or "When I was asked to give this speech, I immediately thought of...". Examples of closings could be: "We're so proud of you, and we look forward to following you onwards. Cheers to you" or "Congratulations on this big day, raise your glass and toast with me."

Here's an overview of the speech's six fixed steps.

The tone of a confirmation speech

The best tone is loving and specific, ideally spiced with humour that lifts the confirmand up rather than putting him or her on display. Humour works best when it's warm and comes from a place of love, not when it's about embarrassing episodes the confirmand would rather forget.

Avoid inside jokes that only a few family members understand. Speak to the confirmand instead of about the confirmand, meaning use "you" rather than "she" or "he". This makes the speech more personal and helps the confirmand feel seen, rather than being talked about as a third person in the room.

Who gives a speech, and what can they contribute

At the confirmation party, there are often several different people giving speeches, and it makes sense for the speeches not to be too similar to one another.

• The parents traditionally give the first speech, after the starter has been eaten. This is the place to look back on the whole upbringing and tell the story of the confirmand's journey towards this day.
• Grandparents can talk about the confirmand from another generation's perspective, ideally with memories from the early years or from time spent together during holidays.
• Godparents can talk about the bond that has formed over the years, and about the role they've played in the confirmand's life.
• Siblings can give a more everyday and loving picture of what it's like growing up together, ideally with a twinkle in the eye.

When you agree on the running order in advance, it's also a good idea to briefly mention to each other which memories you're planning to use, so the same stories aren't told twice.

The confirmand's own speech

At the end of the party, it's typically the confirmand themselves who says a few words or sings a song. The main purpose here is to say thank you to the parents and the other guests for the day and for coming.

The speech can be short and simple, for example: "Thank you all for coming and for making the day so wonderful. Thank you to my parents for everything you've done to make this day possible." If it feels more natural, the confirmand can instead choose to sing a song together with the family or give a short speech that simply mentions a couple of highlights from the day.

Practical advice for writing and giving the speech

Whether you're giving a speech at a church confirmation or a non-confirmation, the same practical advice applies.

• Write the speech well in advance, so you're not stuck with it at the last minute.
• Practise it out loud, ideally on your own or with a family member, so you can hear how the words sound.
• Use key points instead of reading the speech word for word. It makes it easier to speak naturally.
• Speak slowly, so everyone can follow along, including those furthest down the table.
• Keep the speech short. A short, well-prepared speech is easiest for guests to listen to.
• Have your glass ready before you get to the toast, so you don't have to search for it in the moment.

Frequently asked questions

What should you say in a confirmation speech?

In a confirmation speech, you tell people who you are, share a couple of memories of the confirmand, and say what you appreciate about them. You finish with a wish for the future and a toast.

How do you start a confirmation speech?

A natural start is to say your name and your relation to the confirmand, for example: "My name is... and I'm the aunt of...". This gives guests a quick overview before you move on to the memories.

How long should a confirmation speech be?

There's no fixed rule for the length, but a short, well-prepared speech is easiest for guests to listen to. Write the speech well in advance, and practise it so you can deliver it at a calm pace.

Who gives a speech at a confirmation?

At the confirmation party, it's typically the parents who give the first speech after the starter, followed by speeches from, among others, grandparents, godparents and siblings. Finally, the confirmand themselves gives a short speech or sings a song.

What does the confirmand say in their speech?

The confirmand typically thanks the parents and guests for the day, and may choose to sing a song instead of giving a speech. It doesn't have to be long, just sincere.

How do you end a confirmation speech?

A good ending ties together the wish for the future and leads naturally into the toast, for example: "Congratulations on the big day, cheers to you." Remember to have your glass ready before you finish.

Summary

A confirmation speech doesn't have to be perfect, but it should be genuine. Follow the simple structure of introduction, memories, qualities and wishes, keep the tone warm, and practise well in advance. Then you'll be ready to raise your glass and toast the confirmand, whether the celebration is a church confirmation or a non-confirmation.

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• Non-confirmation: what is it, and how do you hold one?
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